Time To Update

Hello fellow Bloggers and readers!  It's time for an update.

You may have noticed that I had not posted for, well, a LONG time.  Well, I just didn't think my blog was worth it because no one reads it and if they do, no one comments.  I thought about this for a long time and came to one conclusion.  IT SHOULDN'T MATTER.

That's right, it shouldn't matter to me because although I want to educate readers about MS, I also need an outlet for my frustrations and this is it.

So I will continue to post and hopefully someone is reading.  If you are, please let me know what you think.  With that being said, here is an update on my life and Daily Living with MS.

I have since the last post taken disability because going to work just got too difficult and I also needed insurance.  My condition has gotten worse.  I have more difficulty walking with the walker and I am trying to get an electric wheelchair.  I have a manual one that I use when I go out sometimes but it doesn't have the big wheels so I can't push myself, I need someone to push me.

My friends and family aren't so loving anymore, I guess they are getting tired of me.  It's not easy dealing with a handicapped person.  I don't get out much anymore, just church and Dr. appointments.  I don't see my friends anymore either, they are busy and even when I call they don't answer or return messages.  Three out of four of my kids live on their own and two of them hate me right now, not sure what I did wrong but, there you go!  One still lives with me but even he sometimes makes annoyed faces at me when I ask him to do something for me. 

Even my loving husband isn't so loving anymore.

But no matter how I feel, my God is still with me.  He doesn't leave me.  He sustains me.  He comforts me when my heart is breaking and when my body is riddled with pain.  If it weren't for Him I would perish!

So, do I still trust in God through my struggles?  Absolutely!  I couldn't get through my days if I didn't.  I want to let people know that I may struggle, cry, doubt, question, yell, get angry, have needs and feel like a failure but I still cry out to Jesus because He sustains me, forgives me and helps me get through the day so that I may face another and hopefully bless someone with what I have learned.
So, I pick myself up, dust myself off, thank Him for His mercy and put on some lipstick!  Tomorrow awaits me and I face it with renewed hope.

NBL

There I go, there I go, there I go...

Hello Bloggers,

So here I am again, trying to blog, very unsuccessfully I might add.  I just am not sure how to do this.  I don't know who sees this, if anyone, or how to accomplish this small feat.  I guess I will just continue this as more of a diary or journal for myself than anything.  I wish I would get a notification or comment from someone just once so that I can see if this is actually going anywhere.

Any way, here I go.

So I'm alone in my room, as usual, watching TV but mostly just waiting to see if I can fall asleep and take a nap.  It is about 4:30 pm and it's nap time.  I am just soooo bored because there is nothing good on TV and I am getting tired of seeing my usual shows because, lets face it, no matter how good Criminal Minds is, you can see the same rerun but so many times before you start acting out the scenes yourself! Awghhh!

My family is around somewhere going about their business.  My daughter is in her room watching TV or maybe playing her Simms game, my youngest is doing HW and waiting to watch TV himself afterwards, my oldest is playing some stupid video game in his room and my husband is grocery shopping so he can start dinner.

Meanwhile, in NancyLand, I focus on my tingling hands and legs, the swelling that continues to crawl over my feet, the numbness and pain throughout my limbs, and the complete weakness overtaking me little by little each day.  I feel like I'm wasting away while I watch the world pass me by.  I don't get out much because it' too much effort and hassle to shower and dress myself so I opt to stay in.  So I just sit here waiting for when the time comes to take my next bunch of medication.

Never anything exciting to report and that is why I don't come in here that often.  Even to me, my life is boring and not worth a second look.

But, even in the midst of all this, I speak with God often.  I have to. If I didn't I would go insane.  He is the Lord of my salvation.  He is my fortress and my shield.  Without Him, I would not be able to accomplish even the smallest of tasks.  I may gripe and complain about my circumstances but I know that He is with me and that I am following in His perfect will for me, what ever that may be.  I trust Him completely and absolutely.  He will never ever let me down or forsake me. I love Him and I know He loves me.  I may not understand this but He knows what He is doing and that;s good enough for me.

See you next time, hopefully soon.

God bless you.

Hello again dear readers:

I had not come here again because I didn't know what to say.  As you can see, I am not a blogger.  This is new to me and I'm going to give it another try.

So I have been having lots of back pain lately where I can hardly stand and walk.  I just wonder how much worse is this going to get  When I first heard I had MS I thought I would be paralyzed at some point really far into my future but I never imagined I would have so much pain and discomfort.  I am so glad that I have God in my life.  If it weren't for Him I do not know what I would do.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. (Proverbs 3:5)

Sometimes when I am having bad spasms and pain I go outside and just look at the sky, enjoy the evening air and just worship HIM.  I sing and I pray and talk with my Lord and Savior.

I continually meditate on the fact that He loves me so much and He will never leave me.  He is faithful and carries me through all of my situations, good and bad.  Even when I look like an 80 year old instead of my 53 while using my walker, I know He is still there walking side by side with me.  I love my God and my Savior.  And He loves me.

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. (Romans 8:18)

Dear readers, if you don't take anything else away from this simple blog please take this: Trust in God in all things and He is faithful to sustain you so that you will be victorius in the end.

Until next time!

The journey begins...an Introduction

Greetings to all!

This is my first blog ever and I hope it works out.  I chose this subject because I wanted a place where I can speak of the trials and tribulations of living with a devastating disease like Multiple Sclerosis (MS).

More and more people are affected with MS each year.  I don't know how often I look at news or magazines that show yet another celebrity stricken with MS.  It does not discriminate.  Unfortunately, there are still so many people who do not know about this disease and do not understand it.  Hope this blog brings awareness of the disease and the people living with it each and every day.

Almost four years ago I got the awful news that I had MS.  I didn't believe it at first, then I cried, then I got angry, then I accepted it (sort of).  I say sort of because I accept the fact that I am sick but I fight it tooth and nail every day.  MS is a nasty disease that leads to deterioration of the body little by little and I intend to delay the advancement of these conditions as much as I can.  First and foremost, I believe in One God, who has provided a Savior and a Comforter for me.  I trust that my God strengthens me daily, my Savior heals me and my Comforter comforts my soul and helps me to keep going.

Next, I go to the doctor on a regular basis and take all of my medication.  I have a Neurologist that watches over the progression of the MS and gives me the best medications to help me manage this disease.

Then I also have my family and friends.  With out them I could not go by my day.  They are my source of immediate comfort and help to do the everyday things.  I love each and everyone of them very much and I could not continue with out them.

But even with all of this, day to day living is very difficult for me.  I am at a stage where you can tell by looking at me that something is wrong but I am not at the really bad stages, I would call them "advance" stages.  Yes I use a walker to walk because I loose my balance and my feet don't move as well as they use to but I am not in a wheel chair. It is very difficult to do most of the things I used to do.  For instance, when I get up in the morning to go to work, it is very difficult for me to get up because I am so tired and achy.  So I drag myself out of bed and into the bathroom.  I get in the shower and I can barely stand up so I try to rush through it.  I have a shower mat and grab bars in the shower so that I can maneuver myself in the shower without falling.  Showering is a challenge because of the standing and balancing difficulties.  Then I carefully and with a lot of huffing and puffing get out of the shower and now I must get dressed.  I can't bend to put on my underwear and pants (if that is what I'm wearing today) so I huff and puff some more!  I now have my under clothes on and it was such an effort that I am all sweaty.  Next I have to brush my teeth.  Now, since I have been standing for a while in the shower and struggled so much to get dressed, I am really tired and out of breath.  So here I am standing in front of the sink and I can barely stand; my body bends over and my knees begin to bend and my body starts to go into a squat position.  I try to straighten up but my body continues to do this while I get the tooth paste on the tooth brush.  Now I'm ready to start brushing.  I hold on to the sink with one hand and lean into it.  My teeth are now done.  I wobble into the bedroom and sit on the bed because I am exhausted!  My wonderful husband has made coffee and brings me some and we drink together while watching the news and while I catch my breath and relax a bit.  Next I try to get dressed.  If I put my pants or a skirt on in the bathroom then I just have to put on the rest of my clothing and that is not bad.  If I didn't, then my husband needs to help me put them on.  Same with socks and shoes.

Now I'm ready to go.  My husband helps me gather my purse, lunch (that he also helped me put together), walker and anything else I need to take along.  We walk out to the driveway together and he grabs my walker and puts it in the car while I get in.  He drives me to work (he doesn't let me drive anymore even though I still can) and he helps me out of the car, gives me the walker and holds the door open while I come in.  He then drives off and comes back at the end of the day to pick me back up.

This is my daily routine.  Besides all of this difficulty, I can't help with any of the house work because of the difficulty standing and the not being able to get around without the walker.  I can't sweep or mop the floor, I can't cook, I can't wash dishes, I can't serve dinner, I can't do laundry.  Everything is difficult for me so my family does all of these things.  I feel useless.  Sometimes I try to do some of these things but it's hard.  For instance if I try to do dishes, I stand in front of the sink but have to lean into it or I fall because my body starts doing that collapsing slowly thing.  Even if I manage to finish the dishes without breaking anything (my hands are weak and I can't hold on to things well especially if they are slippery) I end up with a terrible back ache from standing there so long.  It's not easy.

I'm sure there are lots of people out there with MS who know exactly what I'm talking about.  But even with all of this, my family is wonderful.  They help me a great deal and are very patient and supportive.  My friends are excellent also.  We see each other in church three times a week and go out or hang out almost everyday in between.  We laugh a lot and support each other since we all have something we are struggling with.  It sucks getting old!!

So this is my basic story.  I will post more of my wonderful adventures as I learn to cope with my ever changing daily challenges and struggles.  For now I bid you,

Adieu,

Nancy

If you would like to know more about MS click here.